“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves.”
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
love is patient, love is kind. It takes time to grow between two people. It is understanding and having mutual respect between them. When you’re in love, you can’t rush it. Love is neither about having twinkling feelings down at your feet nor having butterflies effects in your stomach. It is about getting along, sharing laughter, and being able to express oneself.
I never really knew what love is. First I thought it was about getting what you wanted all the time without considering the other person’s feelings and point of views. I was lucky enough to be one of those spoiled girlfriend. It was fun but it got boring afterward because I basically molded him into something I wanted him to be. I got his attention, his love, and everything I wanted. But somehow, it’s not enough. Now I realized that love isn’t about “self-seeking.” It’s not about getting what You want; it’s a growing journey shared between Two people.
It’s funny how I complained and left my boyfriend when he treated me like a princess while there are girls out there who get abused by their boyfriends but cannot leave them. No need to think that I am biased and spoiled all the time. The truth is, I have been drowned in an abusive, used, and deceitful relationship too. I’d rather not call this type of intermingle between me and this other fool “relationship” because it simply does not deserve that title.
Rushed relationship destroys you. It is a manipulative game that requires tactics like lying and coaxing. It is going after what you want, getting what you want, and leaving it without feeling regretful for hurting the other person or without feeling used from your side. It requires you to be a master at playing games, like poker. It is about predicting, deciding, reading the other person, making precise movements, risking a bit to win everything while losing nothing. It is a game. Whether you enjoy it or not, that is from your perspective.
However, from my experience, I want to advise you that playing this type game calls for having a clear mind. If you are clouded, you must not play. Let’s go back to the poker analogy. Good gamblers win by reading other player’s mind, assessing it, and make his moves. Bad gamblers rely on lucks and intuition. When you think you are on top of your games by having the guy “fall” for you, don’t be fooled and think you are winning. In this game, he sets it up all along. He wanted you to think that he’s “falling” for you so he can make his next move, which is going after what he wanted and leaving you behind with nothing.
So therefore, if you’re a type of girl who seeks games, let it be rushed. Know that rushed relationships are there to boost your esteem. Be cold hearted if you want to win. Nice girls don’t risk, therefore, nice girls get played. If you want a relationship, and not a game, don’t rush it. Love is “patient”. If the guy cares for you enough, he will wait. Guys don’t waste their precious Starcraft, Halo, and surfing time with girls who they think aren’t worthy of their wasted efforts. So therefore, be careful I tell you. Hasty relationship is a lose-lose situation for nice girls. You will either feel guilty for crushing his heart or fall head over heels for the wrong type of guy. As the result, you will be stripped off self –esteem, self identity, and self integrity.
Don’t worry. This blog isn’t all about being harsh and realistic. So what if you have fallen for the wrong guy? Pick yourself up and try again. Be skeptical this time. What did you do when you were a kid and you fell off your bike? You cried, you complained, you started regretting why you even tried biking in the first place? But then what did you do after that? You cleaned up yourself, bandaged your skinned knees, picked up your bike, and started pedaling again. This time, you have learned to avoid the potholes and remained calm and balanced. Like the bike lesson you have learned as a child, after a broken relationship, you pick yourself up, clean your wound, stitch up your heart, collect the broken pieces, store them for memories, and start over.
Remember, love isn’t about yourself or a game. It isn’t love when you say you can summarize your significant other within a page,a book, or five minutes. It takes a lifetime to really know that person. Love is a growing journey fills with unlearned lessons and excitements. It is not a record of how long you have known that person but how well you know that person. It is not about how much that person loves you but how much you love that person in return. It is “patient, [it] is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves.”
Something tangible this time
…all i get is half of you…
I heard a sad song playing on the radio
About a girl who loves him
But she never really let it show
Outside the rain keeps falling down my window
I’m crying inside, gotta see you tonight
I understand and if somebody broke your heart before
But it wasn’t me who left the pieces laying on the floor
But it’s me who’s out there in the rain knocking at your door
Paying the price for all of his lies
I write you a song but I can’t find the words to say
To tell you what’s on my mind
But even a symphony can’t say what you mean to me
So how can I, how can I give you
All of me
When all I get is half of you
Now tell me what am I supposed to do
If all I get is half of you
If all you give is half of you
Wanna be the reason that you never look for love again
Baby girl, I wanna be your lover, your best friend
How we gonna make it if you never gonna let me in
What can I do to prove that my love is true
I keep holding on for as long as this gonna take
Until you realize (realize)
Look in my eyes
And I’ll never let you be betrayed
I’m not that guy, but how can I give you
All of me
When all I get is half of you
Now tell me what am I supposed to do
If all I get is half of you
If all you give is half of you
(I just can’t help it)
(I just can’t help it)
Now girl you got me locked up too in time
Got me paying to up someone else’s crime
But how can love burn
If it’s not return
I need more than this so how can I give
All of me
When all I get is half of you
Now tell me what am I supposed to do
If all I get is half of you
How can I give you all of me
(Half of you) When all I get is half of you
Now tell me what am I supposed to do
If all I get is half of you
If all you give is half of you
all of me – varsity
allright. that’s it.
not going to be emo anymore. good bye wordpress – a place to splurge my emotions =)
will you remember me?
you’ll probably hate me for saying this, and i’ll probably hate myself for saying this too…but i miss you. even though i was very cruel, rude, and disgustingly mean to you, the truth is that i can’t forget you. i think i can move on but i can’t. i’m not that strong. i’m broken.
i’m tired of crying when i was with you. i’m tired of crying when i’m not with you. i’m sick of the past and i’m afraid of the present. i thought i was strong but i haven’t been able to sleep peacefully for days. i thought i had moved on by lecturing somebody else about moving on and being strong, but silly me, now i’ve realized that it takes more than a gazallion fights and two break ups as the excuses to make me move on.
i hate myself for being weak. i’m not weak. i hate myself for not being able to sleep at night and letting the past haunts me. i hate myself for hurting you, for hurting myself by jumping into unspeakable situations. i hate myself for hurting others…and most of all, i hate being alone on my bed with your teddy bear lying around because he – yoshi- is simply too cute to be put away in a box. why does it feel like my heart is broken all over again everynight?
people tell me i shouldn’t get back with you. i tell myself to not get back with you because i don’t want to repeat the past. but this letter sincerely expresses how i feel as oppose to what i’ve said to you.
i’m sorry.
we’re all fools.
“it’s not just sentimental. she had her grief and her care. But a word so soft and gentle.. makes it easier to bear.
You won’t regret it. Women don’t forget it.
Love is their whole happiness.
And it’s all so easy, try a little tenderness…”
hello everyone, I know I’ve been missing for the last 3 months since my last blog and there is no justified excuse for my long absence. It is more of a personal reasons and experiences that I should not and refused to publicize my pain online. But now, here I am, standing apart from my life, in a second person’s point of view, and taking it all in, one breath at a time, on what I’ve learned.
I’ve learned that you can not change other people, no matter hard you try, only they can change themselves. When you think what other people is doing wrong because your perception does not match up with theirs does not make it wrong. You and the person might be having a mixed view about the topic. But you condemned the other person’s view because it isn’t the same as yours, and tried to persuade he/she to change it to yours. It is in our very nature to be stubborn, to have personal pride, to win,. But of course, you would be trying in vain and in meaningless efforts because the person would not change unless he/she agrees wholeheartedly that yours is right. Basically, what I’m trying to say here is that people don’t change unless they want themselves to change. What you do or do not do will only influence their decision- making process, but they have every right to chose. If you are not successful in changing them, then try to change yourself. If you refuse to change yourself, then both of you need to let it rest.
This is the embankment of a successful relationship.
It’s funny when people come and ask me what they should do in a relationship or how to start a relationship because half of the time, I don’t even know what to do myself. I am flattered that people seek for my advices but honestly, don’t. I am the most negative person when it comes to relationship. I looked past the happiness and thrived on their mistakes. I cannot trust others. I can’t even trust myself. I am selfish when it comes to having a relationship. I wanted to be treated like a princess because I believe I will be giving my all to the other person.
It’s funny…you know that phrase “girls analyze shit like crazy?” I do not think it is a negative thing for a girl to analyze because when she is in a relationship, she is giving up herself so of course she has to think, to consider her choices, and make the best decision. Let’s take an experience I think most girls have been in. during your midterm/ finals, you and your boy get into fights and arguments a lot because you guys see each other annoying faces too often. Then you get even more irritated because you’re not doing your studying right and getting distracted, then you freaked out the last minute because your ass could’ve done a lot of studying but instead you spent your time on facebook looking at other people’s pictures and status updates. Anyways, my point is that, you get stressed and who do you see the most? Your boyfriend. So what do you end up doing? Pouring your stressed onto your boyfriend and expects him to make it go away. As usual, he would not because he is stressed out himself. But then, since he isn’t doing anything for you, you feel depreciated, uncared, and you felt mistreated when all you two dumbos had to do in the beginning is not see each other to avoid this type of resulting conflict. You can see my story that the girl analyzes the boy’s actions and dramatizing it when the boy totally “ignored” her signals because he is too busy with his own studying. Both sides have their faults. I do not know whose side should be blamed for. But this is what I’ll tell you if you come to me for relationship advices.
Girls are too weak to think with their heads. Boys are too stupid to pay attention to little details. Soo.. the best solution to any relationship dead end is…
Don’t be in one.
my fairy tale
every girl has her own prince charming. he can be strong like Hercules, wreckless like Aladin, or shy like prince eric from Little Mermaid. whichever form he may take, it is undeniable that every girl has made up her own fairy tale at some point of her life.
when i was little, i played with barbie dolls and her boyfriend Ken. Even though i cut up her hair for fun (cause i was bored) and made her look ugly by cutting up her clothes, (don’t ask.. i don’t remember why i was so messed up as a child.), i always make Ken chase after her and married despite her terrible conditions. And i would replay this story inside my head, imagined myself as that lucky pretty blonde Barbie doll… waiting for my Ken to come.
As i get older, i moved on to the next level of fairty tale by watching disney movies. I blame disney for giving us girls false hopes as a kid. My favorite story of all time was and continue to be Beauty and the Beast. I love Belle for her kindness and understanding of the Beast’s appearance. If i could be a princess, i would chose to be her. so why would i want to be that girl who gets stuck with an ugly, ruthless, stubborn, unkind, unforgiving, secretive, mean beast in a cold, dark castle?
because he makes her happy.
because she brings out the kindness and the willingness to change in him.
therefore, i adored her and wished that i could be her.. having the unfortunate yet life changing life event to meet my prince.
maybe i had but i was too blind to see… all i know is that i have changed by trying to change someone else. and we’re both changed into people who we don’t want to be. well, i’m only speaking from my point of view. so i can’t speak for him. but anyways, i did not enjoy this new side of me so therefore, i learned that if someone loves you, they should love you for who you are, and not what you are made of.
but anyways, back to my fairy tale… i guess the first cut is the deepest. it had brought me happiness but had also revised my fairy tale story. no longer do i anticipate for a charming prince, i’d even obliterated that whole theory. the truth is, there is no prince charming waiting for me at the end of the way. it is this whole story i’ have deceived myself into beieving (thanks to disney again for breaking it to me at this age…) and it is this destructive story that had made me judged, criticized, and expected perfections from my potential prince. yet no one’s perfect. so therefore, perfect prince charming isn’t supposed to be perfect….
however, not to be too depressing here. i’d still believe that the beast in someone will change with love , turning into this beautiful prince who loves me as much as i love him for his imperfections. and one day, just like Belle, i can have my own prince, living in our cozy house filled with love.
yet this is a perfect hopeless love story… and therefore, i need a mental check up. -_-
until i get over you
lately, i realized that i’ve been pms-ing more than usual; it’s probably one of the side effects of breaking up. the symptoms are red eyes, puffy nose, ugly face, thinking too much but also a lot of blank stares, flu or cold, grades are dangerously slipping, grouchy, unresponsive, touchy, sensitive, sarcastic, possibility of becoming anti-social.
i don’t understand how we feel sometimes. we dove into the relationship, announcing our love to our crush like there’s no tomorrow. then we got stuck in the deep black hole of ambiguity about the other person’s motives and actions. once we have done making up reasons to explain our partners’ strange and cold behaviors, we then became certain and wanted to do something drastic such as deciding that love no longer existed and we needed to part. my question is “if you know that love hurts, then why do you keep on looking for that perfect person to fill in the other half when in the end, most of us will end up with a broken heart, red eyes, and wasting monthes or years seeking away out, trying to run away from the memories?
strange as it seems, i do not regret meeting him. he was one of the nicest boy i had ever met. he took care of me, loved me, and made sure i had everything in the world. but i took advantage of him, i expected him to be perfect. in my little head, i kept on revising my list of qualities for boyfriend and i kept on trying to fix him. i realized after all of these time, i was not fixing him to be better, i was forcing him to become that person i wanted him to be; not who he really is. my blindness and ignorance had led me to conclude that our love has faded. i gave up on him. i gave up on us. i said our good byes and cried my heart out. maybe i enjoy miserable or maybe i’m just being a girl, trapped inside my own little fantasy, refusing to let go of that perfect prince charming dream.
if there is one thing i could tell him right now, i would apologize for all the things i have put him through; for risking our hearts and tears for this so call perfection that i had selfishly wished for. i would tell him how much i miss him because my world seems to fall apart without him. i would tell him that he was the perfect one and my fantasy dream isn’t real. i would tell him to smile because it breaks my heart to know that he’s sad. i would ask him to forget me because i’m not worth it. and i would tell him that love is easy to say but hard to let go.
but until i know that he’s perfectly happy, i will not get over it or letting it go.
bella luna, all i can bring yah, is a language of a lover
I love the rain. There is something beautiful about the rain. I see childhood’s innocence, hear laughters, and feel the refreshing pouring raindrops coming down magically from the sad, gray clouds. It’s funny how pretty things do existed in something that is dark and cold like the rain. But then again, another well-known analogy would be beauty exists in love. For those of us who have been deceived by others, we feel that we will never get out of this misery calls doubt. For those who are deceivers, the title “heart breaker” has been heard too often, as well as “cheaters” for guys and “sluts” for girls. Well, here’s a piece of my mind. Miseries love company and they hold on to the past while the liars have moved on too quickly. Therefore, the misers need to catch up on the current and start to smile while the liars need to slow down from smiling/flirting too much. I do not believe in karma but I believe that we all need to be skeptical before giving our hearts away too easily. It’s called common sense. We all cry and complain when somebody else breaks our hearts but hold no mercy when we break others. So take my advice, hope for our ex-boyfriends/girlfriends happiness, and wish them love as a token of our kindness. By letting go, we are preventing our lives from being eaten up by bitterness and self pity. Instead, we should be wasting those seconds to feel happy, calm, and relax. So next time when it rains, smile at a sad stranger, dance in the rain, laugh out loud, sing out loud, and realize that your peaceful heart is the beauty in the rain.
happy middle doesn’t exist
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Today I went to Santa Ana; a place where my grandparents have resided for so long; a place that contains so many happy memories; a place where I used to go for family gossips. But now, I am not sure that it is maturity or it is something to do with age but I do not see that place as “home” anymore. However, I had fun with my cousin, Andrew, funny kid. He was there for me when I needed him and there to cheer me up when I’m bored and sad. And even there when I don’t need him. Hahaha. Kidding. But we talked a lot; mostly about our family and how it operates. It was a long talk because both of us disagree on how our family runs their unbelievable high standards for outsiders. So we went to my other cousin, who is the hottest topic in my family’s gossips for now. During our visit, she was telling me to live my life however I wanted; as long as I am happy. I believe her advice is right. I mean, whatever decision you have to make with your life, there is no happy middle ground decision. People will dislike you regardless of whichever choice you would make. So it really doesn’t matter. What matters is that you have to take the consequences that come with that decision. Her philosophical moment makes sense to me and applies to me for I am the only girl in my family and one of a few girls in my mom’s side. Therefore, I have got to buckle down and prepare to take the worst from my family. I believe that there is no such thing as bad people. just regular people who have made the wrong decisions under certain situations.
Fix you
When you try your best, but you don’t succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can’t replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home,
And ignite your bones,
And I will try to fix you,
High up above or down below
When you’re too in love to let it go
But if you never try you’ll never know
Just what you’re worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I will try to fix you
Having someone there with you at the right moment and saying the right thing is all a girl could ever wish for.
